To the mother of my child,
Last night was one of those nights when sleep wouldn’t come to me. I sat awake, wondering how to write this letter to you. I’ve read many of these letters. They all echo my feelings. They speak of Gratitude. Honor. Love. (All are things I feel for you.) The letters speak of Security, Peace, Hope. (All things I want to give you.)
And yet somehow I want you to know more. I want you to know that I think of our paths; yours and mine; the mothers of this child. I wonder how we’ll eventually meet and how we’ll change each other for the better.
I make myself crazy thinking of things I don’t know. Who you are, where you are, when you’ll find us, how you’ll find us, why you haven’t found us yet. But amidst the uncertainty there are important things I do know.
I do know that this child needs all of us.
I wonder on all of the things you’ll give our baby; things I couldn’t give. A physical body- perfect little fingers- perfect little toes. And what of my child's spirit will be you? What talents do you have that our child will have? Will the first smile at me echo your smile? Our baby needs everything you have given. From your DNA, to the warm home you give now in your body. So much of this baby will be you and I’m excited for our baby to have those things I couldn’t give. Our baby always know of you.
And me. What will I give? It’s one of the deepest questions every mother has about her children. The basics, certainly: home, nourishment, lessons, education. But those are not the best things I will give. I promise Butterfly kisses at bedtime. My hands to hold a sick baby. Family vacations in a Coleman camper one year and Broadway plays in New York City the next. NBA Games. A home that values reading, education and thinking for yourself. Holiday Traditions and service projects. Watching thunderstorms on the porch while eating popsicles. Daily belly laughs. A firm foundation that God knows and loves this precious child. Grandparents, Uncles, Aunts, Cousins. Two sisters as built-in best friends. And, one thing every child deserves: the love of two committed parents. A mother and a father (the man I married nearly a decade ago). I will give to this baby a family. These things are the best I have to offer…
I also know that this baby, our baby, is not a mistake. He or She belongs to God, to you, to me. Our Father in Heaven knows and loves this baby and has given you wisdom to make this heart-wrenching choice. He has provided a way for you to take this detour in your life and turn it into the most beautiful act of service and kindness; a detour that will put you on a better, higher road.
Who are you? Where are you? I love you. I pray for you and for our child. I hope our paths cross soon. And when they do, it will be no accident, for you were always meant to be the woman who brought my child to me and I could never repay you. Until we meet, I’ll think of you and our baby- in the stillness of night when I should be asleep. And hope that somewhere as you cradle our baby in your belly, you’re thinking of me too.
All my Love,
Christie
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